This week CVS announced that they are going to stop selling cigarettes which makes me proud to be a G-darn American! Kudos to CVS for supporting healthy lifestyles. Most of us know by now that cigarettes are bad, but this is about the example we set for our children and everybody knows that children are pretty much legally retarded and need to be treated as such. I mean take my nephew Brandon for instance; He LOVES Sea World, and like…what do I say to him? I can’t let him watch that one movie that just came out because it would bweak his whittle heart. For those of you who haven’t heard, there was a movie called Free Willy where people said that Shamu was sad because the Sea World folks held him captive and tortured him and jerked him off constantly. Not only that, the Sea World people NEVER told the trainers that ‘Killer’ whales can be deadly. Can you imagine?
But I’m just getting sidetracked here, this is about protecting our children. I mean take cyber-bullying for example: I read a blog that kids are making fun of other kids in internet chat rooms and then these poor queer kids are getting sad and killing themselves. When does it end!? I think we should give these smokers a taste of their own medicine – we should start cyber-bullying smokers!! Yes if you know a smoker, post a comment on their myspace and let them know that they are a fag for smoking fags (catchy huh).
Listen gang, I used to be a smoker for over 10 years, but it’s just not worth it, and I’m glad a big important corporation like CVS stepped up to the plate and became a moral authority on this issue. After all, corporations are people (according to the law) so it’s important for them to act in our best interest. And while they’re at it, CVS should stop selling toothpastes with chemicals in them! I read this thing the other day that the companies put stripes on the bottom of the tubes and if there is a black stripe it means it’s all chemicals. Are you friggin kidding me? How were we ever supposed to know this if it weren’t for the internet? This is the true beauty of social network sites. We can share information without being censored or having to worry about any political agenda.
It’s like that whole George Zimmerman thing – did you hear this big angry white man chased down a poor child on his way home from Chuck E Cheese and shot him directly in the mouth? How sad. And the cray thing about it, was that the case was going to be dropped because literally everybody in Florida is racist. But then American hero Jesse Jackson stepped in and posted on FBook and sent it to trial.
Amazing things like this happen all the time, and that’s why it’s refreshing to see the good folks at CVS do the right thing. Let’s all pat ourselves on the backs for liking and RTing such a noble cause! And one last thing… if any of you heathens out there wanna smoke your gross cancer sticks, well you are just gonna have to go to Walgreens!